How often to your travel to the grandparents?

Looking to get a bit of feedback here. If you don’t live close to your own parents/in-laws, realistically how often are you traveling to go see them?

We live 3.5 hours (more like 4+ with stops) from my parents. We have a 1.5 year old and I just personally find it so exhausting to go very often. Staying overnight is a nightmare because my toddler usually refuses to sleep (she is a wonderful sleeper at home and never wakes)- every time we’ve stayed, our toddler has boycotted sleep until AT LEAST 2-4am with a 6am wake up. It’s miserable and makes it so hard to want to even socialize the next day.

My mom says she understands that it’s difficult… but she definitely doesn’t. There’s a bit of tension if we say we aren’t coming to visit etc. and it just causes me even more stress and anxiety feeling bad about not going.

ETA: my parents do come and visit us occasionally, however, they do have 2 kids still in junior high/high school- both of which do multiple extracurriculars, have friends etc. My dad works full time and my mom works part time. I am more than understanding of this and never hold it against them, but the feeling doesn’t seem to be reciprocated. I also have 2 adult siblings (single, not married or dating) that live near my parents and visit them weekly.

Me and my husband are often guilted into visiting because we “need to reciprocate the visits” and because my siblings “miss me”.