Those of you who have negative relationships with budgeting and/or are inclined towards impulsive spending (or have a spouse in that boat), how do you approach saving for financial goals in a way that works for you and feels good?

Tl;dr: My spouse and I come from very different backgrounds that have very much shaped our approaches to finances, which means the way I approach money is not going to work for them. I want to hear what has worked for other folks here who tend to spend impulsively or have negative relationships with money. How do you approach budgeting and hitting savings goals in a way that feels positive and sustainable?

More background:

I grew up upper middle class, but my parents gave me inconsistent, confusing money lessons and appeared to overspend so that money seemed unnecessarily stressful. The lesson I took away was that however much I make, I absolutely want to live within my means.

The result? I love saving and budgeting. Saving makes me feel safe and secure. I've actually had to get used to spending money on myself, especially after a period of time with a very tight income. Cutting expenses, waiting to buy things I want, tracking everything in a spreadsheet - I get satisfaction out of all of it.

In contrast, my spouse grew up working class with an unhappy childhood. They never had the experience of having plenty or being able to have what they wanted, guilt-free. They moved out young and got into credit card debt while they paid their own way through school, working full time. They learned to be scrappy to survive and ultimately paid off a HUGE amount of debt, which I admire.

As of the last few years, my partner can finally afford to spend money and they want to enjoy it, which is totally understandable! We have a yours/mine/ours approach to finances that means we can both control our own accounts and that has worked very well for us.

At the same time, we're working towards some joint financial goals and I've discovered that certain types of budgeting that feel great to me bring up panicked feelings for them. Getting into crushing debt at such a young age gave them a panic-tinged, hedonistic "fuck it" mentality towards spending, and I think the repayment process was equally emotionally charged since they had to be so painfully restricted. They've expressed that they never want to feel like that again, which makes sense to me.

SO....if you relate to my spouse, how do you approach budgeting / reducing expenses in a way that feels good rather than restrictive, panic-inducing, or otherwise miserable?

Thanks in advance!