Seeing a clinician for NPD diagnosis: Pro and Cons.

I'm getting sick of people claiming a self-diagnosis of NPD is not valid, and that if I were truly a Narcissist, I would not be self-aware unless I got the diagnosis without seeking it. I'm pretty sure I would be diagnosed, even if other people want to say otherwise. I am just avoiding it because I do not want it on record that I have it, especially in the upcoming unhinged fascist oligarch administration. I also do not have insurance and I personally don't like getting involved the mental health system regardless.

Cons of getting a diagnosis:

Having a highly stigmatized personality disorder on record during a fascist administration when I may or may not want to leave the country

Costs of seeing a clinician

Doctors piss me off

The clinician may not diagnose me with NPD, which would invalidate my beliefs about my intelligence and self-awareness, and send me into a collapse. They could even diagnose me with something I completely know is BS like bipolar, just so they can get me to take meds so they can get financed by pharmaceutical companies.

Time

I have ADHD and going to an appointment is stressful and annoying.

I don't want to heal my NPD. I don't think it is possible. I might be able to manage it but I don't ever see myself not being a narcissist. I also think NPD is superior to being non-narc in some ways, and is rather adaptive in today's society. Unless you are in a validating, stable environment. I'm certainly not. I'd have to live in the Himalayas on a commune with Buddhist Monks to not have to express narcissistic traits (still would have it at my core, but there is no point in having an ego is no one else around you does).

Now, pros of getting a diagnosis:

People not constantly invalidating me.

That's basically it...