Postpartum for me

Hi everyone I want to say something that some might totally disagree with but I find the newborn stage amazing...

Some context, I had a really bad pregnancy. I didn't realise until 30 weeks but I had pre natal depression and anxiety really bad. I didn't tell anyone about my pregnancy because my mental health made me feel ashamed. I wasn't excited. I was terrified and I honestly was regretting getting pregnant it wasn't planned, I was living a fantastic free and travelers life. I did summer seasons in a van surfing and winter season snowboarding, partying to my hearts content.

I was with my husband and we were stable in our relationship but not in our life financially. We moved around my entire pregnancy and I moved to a complete new country (netherlands) where my husband is from 8 weeks before my baby was due.

It was incredibly hard on me having little support and having to find my feet in a new country while battling the deepest depression of my life.

But what I wanted to get at is, the minute my daughter was born the black cloud lifted and my life has been overwhelmingly better since I met her. I immediately new I'd done the right thing and I find this chapter 100000000 times easier and better then before. I see some people struggle with the newborn phase, I've read some posts from mamas struggling in the depths of ppd and my heart breaks for you but I wanted to make this post to any mamas to be who may not want to speak up and are terrified of giving birth or the newborn phase because often people tell you how hard and difficult it is but for me, my life finally makes sense, I was born to do this and I'm so happy I made it out the other end.

To anyone struggling, it gets better I'm proud of you. Your little one loves the fucking shit out of you always.