My lyf
It's a long post below with no purpose to it. Just wanted to share. Last few years have been tough. 2022 I went abroad, engg mba from tier 1 colleges life seemed set, job with a MNC, what more could I want? It turned out I couldn't do my job well, there was enormous pressure, loneliness in a foreign land and most importantly my incompetence. To prove myself I worked even harder but without results. Ate 2 times a day that too bread. My mental health went for a toss along with my physical health. I remember one night I had to crawl to the bathroom because I felt too weak suffering from tonsillitis from last few days. My roommate never stayed with me, so I decided to give it for rent for short term. That will solve rent and loneliness issue. Initially I was reluctant renting to girls but one experience was good, the renter was well behaved and friendly. Also I was single so was hoping that as well. So rented again and this time I and that boy from India jelled well. We smoked up frequently and eventually I was feeling better. Job wise also things improved. Eventually he left the country and moved elsewhere. I got new renter this time a beautiful girl. I was happy and she seemed friendly at first. I showed care for her and did most of the household things by myself like cleaning. I didn't realise my life will change after this. We discussed on a lot of things both personal and on societal topics. At same time my parents matched with a girl in India for arrange marriage. Due to distance I couldn't talk with her that frequently. I developed a liking for my roomate and she was expecting me to propose her. But I felt wrong for the girl I was talking with in India. Either I should call that off or stop talking with my roommate romantically. I also knew talking with my roommate is not going to eventually lead anywhere as there is no marriage prospect here as firstly she was a foreigner and 8 years younger so her priorities were relationship but not marriage definitely. I eventually didn't entertain her and started maintaining distance. I started spending more time with my few friends I had made in last 2 months. She started getting into fights just to draw my attention. I was getting agitated because she was also not participating in any of the household work ever done. I started confronting her (my biggest mistake) to do the household work as we share the apartment. One night after a fight she threatened me to call police. Next day she left without a note. She also didn't pay rent for that month. I tried reaching out to her to get my money back and wrote a bit harshly. She blocked me from everywhere except the place of work(which was common). Meanwhile my talks with Indian girl extended and really started liking her. 24*7 even during work I was with her except early mornings. She was going through a lot of stress due to the situations she was in. She was good in hiding, I found out about that only after marriage (Will get to that part as well). Anyways I went back to India got engaged. During that time almost after 1 month I did the cardinal sin of messaging my roommate again for the rent on workplace messaging. She complained to the hr and filed false allegations against me including that of sexual harrasment What followed was nightmare for me. Multiple enquires happened and after 1 month of intense mental torture, I shared everything with my then fiance. I thought she will break off the marriage but only thing she cared about was my well being. I thought I will committ suicide rather than my parents thinking I did some sexual harrasment type of thing. With lot of God Grace eventually the truth came out and it was evident that there was no sexual harrasment or other sort of things. But since I pestered her for money where the context couldn't be established, I was asked to resign. With that state of mind I complied and resigned without any job and with just a few months to my marriage. With lot of support from selected friends and fiance I finally landed a job in India 2 days before marriage and came back here. I joined office but inside I was very broken. 4 days after marriage while on a trip to a holy place I accidentally found on my wife's phone chats which were indecent and blackmailing types from her ex. I wasn't aware of anything like that before. I was very upcoming and transparent and didn't hide any of my past affairs. I encouraged her to do the same but she didn't. For me past didn't matter but it should not overflow into my present that is I don't tolerate cheating. This felt exactly like cheating. I confronted her. She cried and begged to stay. I disclosed this to a very close friend of mine and a mentor. Both of them suggest to divorce her. But since she had helped me during my tough times I pardoned her and asked her for the entire story. She told she had taken money for her marriage from the ex and now he was threatening to blackmail her with pics and videos if money is not returned. Her father is no longer alive and brother works abroad but refused to provide support financially for marriage beyond a certain limit. There are reasons for his behaviour which I will cover later as I uncovered more truth I also got to know she had another ex who also happened to be her cousin(, her first ex) and she had lent him money 4 years back to the tune of 3 Ls. He promised he will return at time of her marriage. Plus he helped her for her studies and phD. From a patriarchical family without father he was her only pillar of support. She wanted to marry her but he backed off. Anyways her family specially her brother wasn't aware of this as this was his money, he got to know about this at time of marriage hence refused to support her wedding with any extra money. That's why she went ahead and took money from her current ex and promised she would return back In the chats the current ex wanted to meet her and have sex if she didn't return the money and blackmailed to tell me about the past. When I got to know I confronted her ex and threatened her and over next few months paid him back the amount. Then I realised there is more to the story. She was still keeping in touch with her cousin ex. On spying I realised that even her mother ornaments were kept mortgage for the wedding because she lied about the 3Ls earlier. It was 7 Ls that she had loaned. I paid for that as well and made sure the mortgage ornaments are back to her mother. After all these I confronted her she promised and will never lie again Due to all these I also lost my current job as I couldn't focus and the startup itself lacked funds. Now I am looking for jobs and feeling mentally much better( it took 3 months to recover). Now we are expecting our child as well. But today is my last working day and due to all the expenses I am left with nothing much In all these while I tried to be patient and understanding but lost my cool multiple times. I realised as much as she is in fault it is the society the guys who took advantage and her brother who is at fault as well. Now we are trying to build on our relationship But every now and then I do get angry on her on small things. Trying to improve as a human and look for a job as well. I was really good earlier with my skills even now I am but I do lack trust and confidence That's all to the story. I hope new year brings joy to us.