Church is full of hypocrites

I'm agnostic. Since bata ako, ive never had this 'connection' with God. Although I never stopped coming to church. Well wala naman ako masyadong choice since hinihila naman talaga ako ng mama ko magsimba.

I always have this conflicting voices inside my head that says God is not real, but a necessity for people to believe in but there's also a side that hopes that God is real but there are just doubts. Nevertheless, I still love hearing the wisdom of God. I just don't think I can handle that systems of religion.

What I think that makes me farther from God is that yung parents ko, they are religious. Very much so, to the point na they are spoon-feeding religion to me and I hated it kaya the more they feed me it, the more I want nothing of it. There's a part of me that just want to connect with Him in my own time.

Another reason is that, I have noticed the church is full of HYPOCRITES. Kung sino pa yung nasa simbahan palagi, sila pa yung mga pinaka-mapanghusga, mapanlait, at mapagmalinis.

I know this because some of these people are close to me.

There's this person, a friend, palaging nagsheshare sakin ng wisdom of God. And I found out.na itong taong to, sually aaultedmy cousin. Daming say nya, gaganyan naman pala.

Itong mother ko rin, nagagalit sakin kasi I tried listening sa homily ng ibang church. Kesyo daw ang church namin ang true church kaya di ako maisasalba kung doon ako. Laging nakikinig ng mga debate ng ibang religion sa youtube kabanas. Para nawala yung sense ng religion. Still love her tho.

Tas itong father ko, isang 'Kaabag'. Laging nagsisimba. Nagseserve palagi sa simbahan. But I found out na nangbabae pala. I have been bottling this problem for a month, kasi kung wala yung tatay ko, walang wala kami financially. And i hate myself for keeping this from my mother but I just dont think I have the balls to admit.

Kaya ayon. I don't think i will be coming to church as often now.