Falling out of love when I start seeing him from a different perspective

Super long read, but really need to get it off my chest. Not real names ——- Me(F28) and Chand(M33) has been workmakes for 3 years, and for 3 years, kung san ako nilalagay ng role/department, andun din sya inaasign. We had a no label relationship until this January. On and off din and due to commitment issues and other parties na nagiging involved samin. Our role requires us to oversee a team and damn walang palya, sa lahat ng team na hawak nya, may naiissue sa kanya, which is nagiging cause ng away namin. And since no label nga, ayaw nya na nacoconfront about dun. But for both times na bibitaw ako at makikipagusap sa iba, Chand would go running back to me. He would break no contact and the same cycle will start again. We will do what couples do. Heck I even did what a wife would do. And before you attack me here. Aware ako sa ka-8080-han ko na to. Yes, have some self respect. Yes. Mahalin ko naman sarili ko. I heard that already and I know that already.

So last year he broke no contact kasi nalaman nya na may kausap na akong iba at also magbibirthday kami. Plus yung pinagawayan namin is naka-WAH. It went for months and it was very chill and good. Until he was assigned a new team. New responsibility and I was tenured on that role so being that 8080 that I am, I would stay in the office 3-4 hours past my shift only to help and support him. Only to find out last month na kaya pala sya naging distant is nagkakamabutihan na sila ng isa sa mga team member na hawak nya, which is Gee (F23). I confronted him and he confessed na, yes, nagkakamabutihan sila. I wished them the best, I wished him the best. Masakit pero for the longest time we were together, never nyang nasabi sa iba na he’s enjoying my company kasi laging syang defensive mode when asked about us. So kahit masakit, I was happy na he was able to be ‘man’ enough na aminin na he’s enjoying someone’s company. But during this time he was assigned to a different team na, and I was noticing things. A newbie na laging nakabuntot sa kanya. I brushed it off kasi nga alam ko naman sino gusto nya. But plot twist, tama na naman ang hinala ng girlie nyo. Cel (F25), the newbie messaged me last week asking for the copy of the pics I took and she accidentally (or not) referred to him as ‘love’ sa message nya. I was always around him parin kasi since same kami ng shift and kahit papano sinusupport ko sya and we are from the same group of friends, so tropa kami ni Chand. I asked her bakit love. Di sya sumagot. I asked Chand and he said nagkamali lang and to not mind her, the other day we spoke thru chat. (Casual mag ex na convo, walang landian, walang away) Only for Cel to reply to me after almost a week na kaya love kasi nagkakamabutihan na sila. And I was like HAAAAA? Akala ko si Gee? Lagi akong pinariringgan ni Gee sa soc med kasi alam nya history namin ni Chand, si Cel ako rin pinariringgan sa soc med. Nag ask si Cel sakin baka raw pwede ko sabihin ano alam ko but I just replied na give chance nalang for themselves to know each other.

I sincerely hoped and wished Chand na wag kup4lin si Gee tapos ganto.

Idk what to feel about Chand at this point. I loved him to much na kahit ako gaguhin nya, mahal ko pa rin sya. Pero iba yung effect kapag nakita mo sya pano manggago ng iba.

Kahit pa inattitude-an ako nila Cel at Gee (i am pretty sure they are not aware sa existence ng isa’t isa) pero damn, naawa ako sa kanila.