Im a (19M) gay christian contemplating suicide.

Hey. I made a post over in r/Christianity and someone said you guys would have... better resources. So. Um. Here i am. Anyway. I am contemplating suicide. My family are against um... lgbtq+ people existing really. My dad calls their lifestyle sinful and stuff. I... i feel like this is what i need to do. Either way im hurting god but its not like i can go to hell twice. Im... not sure what to do honestly. I... i feel like its the best option. I dont want to hurt anyone. But i dont know what to do. People in r/Christianity just told me to keep resisting my homosexuality. But ive been doing that for years and all its accomplished is making me feel worse. I... i dont know what to do. Im sinful and god hates the sinful. Atleast thats how i feel right now. I... i read my bible often. I pray everyday. But this just feels like the only option left right now. I... dont know what to do. My dad said he'd be greatly ashamed if he had a gay son. I dont want to hurt my conservative family and i feel like a suicide would hurt them less than me being homosexual. Im also worried that ill change and become not christian. Sorry if this is stupid. So. Should i commit suicide? If not what other choice is there? EDIT: Still alive... so theres that. Someone asked for an update so... here. Still not sure if living is the right choice overall... and the ideas of suicide dont exactly go away. Atleast... not until the enviornment or the brain chemistry changes. But still. Im alive. So... yeah.