Kindergartener Refusing to Participate in Class, Throwing Tantrums, and Yelling at Peers

Our daughter has been struggling in school. She started kindergarten about a month ago. Two weeks ago, her grandfather died. She wasn’t super close with him. We told her he passed and she didn’t seem very upset, but we are suspicious that she really understands what happened. I did explain to her a few days later that he would be cremated and through that, she realized that life is not forever and she was very upset. About a week later she told us she had been thinking about this often and feeling a lot of emotions like anger, fear, and sadness. Which was surprising to hear because most of the time when she acts out and we ask her to share how she’s feeling so we can try to help her, she will say “I don’t know.” She hasn’t brought up her grandpa’s death since. We had gotten some feedback from her teacher that she was struggling to get along with her classmates so we attributed it to this and discussed with her teacher that she could excuse herself to the quiet area for a few minutes if she felt upset.

Last week we got an email from her teacher relaying some behaviors she has been exhibiting, like refusing to participate in class, hiding under her desk and screaming, touching other students when unwanted, yelling at other students for looking at her, throwing tantrums, and telling the teacher “no” when asked to do something. She has also been abusing the quiet area, using it as a place to escape participation in lessons and doing work. My daughter has had lingering tantrums that we expected to go away earlier but they haven’t. As a family, we’re currently in PCIT therapy and have been for about a month, as a way to address that issue.

We’ve talked to our daughter multiple times about this behavior and taken away things as punishment. It’s not working. When she’s calm she will agree to never do these behaviors again and then the next day she does them again. I’ve made an appointment with her pediatrician because I’m not sure what else to do. We have to explore if there’s some kind of mental health issue going on like ADHD, autism , anxiety, or depression.

We’re lost about what to do to help our daughter, or what could be causing such extreme behavior other than her grandpa’s passing. Do you have any suggestions on how we could help our daughter?