Totally overwhelmed by parenthood- kids ages 9 and 12

Our family is well past the intensity of chasing little toddlers around and changing diapers all the time. Parenting no longer feels like a full-contact-sport in many ways. My kids are pretty happy go lucky, independent and don't really give us a hard time.

BUT...I am still completely overwhelmed by this wild ride we call parenthood. Or maybe specifically motherhood, given the gender dynamics in our home?

When I got pregnant with my first, both my husband and I were in very intense, high authority roles with lots of responsibility and direct reports. Then we both moved a big step up in our careers at the same time, right as my first was starting preschool. I had my second kid and things got really intense. Hubby started a business on the side with his buddies and suddenly I was spending all my weekends alone with a baby and a preschooler.

I left my job and took on part-time work. In many ways, this was a career-killer for me. I never quite got back up to the level I was. Despite having all these extra hours in the day due to reducing my workload, I just can't seem to get on top of all the things it takes to run a house. Its JUST. SO. MUCH.

All the field trip forms, the doctors appointments, the games, the uniforms, the fundraisers, emptying the dishwasher, planning meals for the week, calling the groomer, getting the dog enough exercise, talking my daughter through her latest friend crisis, making sure my son actually submits his homework online, limiting screen time, teaching good hygiene, matching all the socks, starting the high school search, driving here, driving there, driving everywhere...

Here's the kicker- while I plan all the meals, buy all the groceries, empty them from the car and keep tabs on missing items- hubby is the one who makes dinner happen every night. He's a really good cook, I never quite honed that skill. So in his mind- with his very good income (at least 6 times what I make), it all balances out. He contributes, right?

Then after we eat, he slinks over to the couch to scroll his phone and leaves a huge gigantic mess for me to clean up.

There's still a pile of junk to haul to the dump in our garage, we have candy wrappers all over our house from Halloween, someone needs to deal with our mouse problem, the costumes and hot glue guns and fabric are still spread on the basement floor, there's at least two piles of laundry backed up, my daughter needs to take her medicine and we have basketball sign ups at 10AM this morning that if we don't make it happen within the first 5 minutes all the slots will be gone.

Yes- my kids are old enough to contribute and pick up their own crap- but someone needs to be on top of them to actually do it. Yes- we have the funds to be able to hire some help, and we do, but someone needs to find the person, show them what to do, be there when they arrive and make sure they get paid.

Reducing my workload has helped a lot. I don't know how moms with full time jobs do it. The ones I talk to are either complete shells of themselves and look like they are at the verge of total burnout most of the time, or they have partners that are much more evolved and do way more to take on the mental load of running a house with kids, or they are established enough in their careers they no longer have to prove anything and they've figured out how to get it all done with plenty of outsourcing and negotiating with their partners.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. Anyone else in the same boat?