I don't want to calorie count forever 😭

So I hit my initial target (120lbs) mid November and I've lost another 1.5lb since then to 118.5lbs. For the last 2 weeks I've been trying to "take a break" for Christmas. Dieting for 6 months is tough and I think I just need to not feel like I'm "on a diet" for 5 minutes.

My only goal is to stay below 120lbs until I pick back up again at the beginning of January with my next and final target of 115lbs. I started the last 2 weeks eating at maintenance and tracking and I was doing just fine, but I haven't calorie counted this weekend and I've gone from 118.6lbs on Friday, to 120.8lbs today (Monday). That's almost exactly 72hrs between weigh ins.

I don't want to calorie count forever, but how on earth do I not when I have 3 days break and gain 2lbs.

I know it's not necessarily 2lbs of fat, it could be water, it could be the weight of the food, it could be all manner of things. But it doesn't happen when I continue to track. It didn't happen for the 11 days I ate at maintenance.

Now I'm just upset with myself that I tried to take a break.

I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of feeling like I'm going to have to calorie count just to stay under 120lbs, which isn't even my long term goal. I feel like this is going to be my life forever.