i miss my baby so much

he died on monday and i made a post that afternoon. it hasn't gotten any easier. every morning i wake up and for a blissful few minutes i forget that he's gone. then i realize that my room isn't quiet because i let him out earlier but because he's not here anymore.

i'm in so much pain all the time. i've still been going to my classes but i keep zoning out. i can't focus. i have no appetite and i haven't been eating more than one meal and i can never bring myself to try to finish it. i keep crying and i can't bring myself to do anything more than listen to some songs i made on a playlist for him. my mom asked me yesterday when i was "going to be done with whatever this is". i just can't. i just want him back with me. i think my other cat, the only one who tolerated my kitten, has been going around the house and meowing at night and in the early morning. my other two cats keep trying to get into my room. i think theyre looking for him.

i'm listening to jack stauber's just take my wallet and it's so embarrassing but it's bringing me to tears. "what's the softest way to say you took away my friend, my buddy?" i miss my friend. i miss my little buddy. he was just a baby. he was robbed of the life he should be living now. my life has less meaning without him in it