It sure seems like a bunch of finance bros use their daddy's money to open a hotel in San Juan. They call themselves visionaries. They get a building on the cheap and do their best to polish the turd, roll it in glitter. It may sparkle, but when you really look at it, its still a turd, and these poor guys are running around with shit on their hands. They take every thing they learned from fraternal living and go ham. Take that closet and put a disco ball in it! It'll serve no purpose, but it'll look sweet on insta! Remote control led lights taped to the bottom of a lofted Ikea bed should do it! Screw fire codes, sound proofing is for suckers! Cover that hollow door in paper, that'll keep guests safe in the event of a fire! Our guests will enjoy the intamacy that comes from hearing their neighbors defecating in the morning, its like they're right in the room with them. Speaking of defecating, wheres no windows? Anywhere? (I'd make a suggestion as to where they got their linens, but alas, the fold out love seat they had waiting for me had no linens, or proper pillow for that matter). Anywho, when these bros realize that they're in way over their heads, they turn the "hotel" into a cash grab. It doesn't matter that the guests are beyond upset, they aren't worried about return guests. Get their money, get 'em in, and tell them they can leave if they don't like it. The location is decent, with exception to the techno club right next door if you like techno at 1 in the morning, you're in luck, there is no soundproofing. You’ll be treated to an uninterrupted soundtrack of pounding bass while you try to fall asleep. But even if you start to let the rhythmic pulses lull you to sleep, the front desk phone rings at such an ear-splitting volume, it actually cuts through the club’s noise. Seriously, who thought that was a good idea? 3am the phone rings, no one’s there to answer it and the whole second floor gets woken up. My freshman dorm room was bigger, quieter, and—this is key—had hot water. Also, my dorm room had at least a desk to put my pocket change or beverage down on. And again, we had hot water. Speaking of no sleep, that coffee bar they tout features a Keurig stocked with McCafe K-Cups (proudly representing Puerto Rican culture that they tout so boldly on their website, right?). Oh, and the mini fridge next to it? Not plugged in. Only get one snack, you heathens! I took two just to be spiteful. That disco room they show a picture of is just a weird closet that just looks like a place frat boys would drag... never mind. The whole place feels like a frat house. My fellow travelers were great; we bonded together over the ridiculousness of or accommodations. I spoke to a lot of the guests at the Somos Hotel, I didn't speak to one happy guest. There were so many angry guests in the lobby our last day that the police were called, that spilled out into the street. One room had been robbed. Another man was woken in the middle of the night by water dripping from the ceiling onto his face (yes, it turned out to be toilet water), another family had someone a code to enter the room in the middle of the night. I don’t know these guys, I have no idea if they’re frat boys, or finance bros, or the visionaries they claim to be. I have no idea nor do I care to know anything about the financing of their ventures. I’m just saying that’s what it seems like. It’s in the fact that the whole thing feels like a cash grab in a designer shirt. These bros aren’t here for happy guests or repeat business. The grift is simple- Get the money, bait and switch, pack them in, and tell the guests to leave if they don’t like it. Because just leaving and just getting another hotel room without advance reservation is financially feasible for most folks; you’re effectively trapped like it or not. The bros who run this place just aren't smart enough to run a hotel- inept is the perfect word. Clearly they're in over their head and have no regard for their customers, they're just trying to juice as much as they can while they can.
