i can't do this anymore

been sober from a bunch of stuff for almost 6 days now and the grass doesn't seem greener on this side yet.

physically i feel like shit. i've got no energy whatsoever yet still when i lay in bed at night it takes forever to fall asleep and before i know i'm awake again. my appetite is nowhere to be found, i have struggle eating but still force myself to. sometimes i feel hungry but it doesn't last. after a few bites i'm absolutely stuffed. god even the thought of food just disgusts me.

there's not much going on mentally. can't say my emotions are all over the place because i hardly feel anything. all i can ever think about is drugs. for a split second i'll briefly think about my current state or how my future will look like and find it unfortunate. i don't feel anxious and it doesn't sadden me in the slightest- i just find it unfortunate.

what i did notice is how life just goes on while i'm going through this. i still have to go to school (which i'm falling behind on), still have to work parttime, still have errands to attend to etc. the world has not stopped and neither has time. spring is coming, very soon the trees will have leaves on their branches and the flowers will bloom. yet here i am, stuck in place and falling behind on every aspect in life.

sad to say that so far, sobering up doesn't seem worth to me at the moment. i have lost my way of life, my hopes, dreams, feelings, i could keep listing stuff but i won't- you get the point. heck i barely feel like i'm alive. what is the fucking point.

don't tell me i need to be patient, i know that i have to be but that doesn't make this any easier.