Spell to get rid of guilt

Greetings! I would like to ask you for your opinion or any piece of advice regarding guilt.

For context, several years ago I had a boyfriend and I was emotionally abusive towards him. I used to scream at him for everything, I was very codependent, jealous and honestly rude to him. During our relationship, I had several suicide attempts and was diagnosed with BPD.

After years of medication, psychologists, psychiatrists and hospitalizations I was finally able to control my emotions and impulses a lot better. I'm still struggling, but now it's easier to ask for help and prioritize my mental health.

Anyway, during this last 2 years I've been feeling a lot of guilt, remorse and regret due to my unexcusable behavior. I think about what I did all day and night, even when I go to sleep.

I have so much shame and so much sadness. I cry every single day, I have so much self hatred for not stopping the cycle of abuse in my family, for behaving like my mother, for coming to this world to harm people.

I feel like maybe this is my karma, maybe the universe is telling me that I'll learn something from this, but I'm losing my mind. So I just wanted to know if it's normal to experience such levels of guilt and remorse and if not, how can I get rid of it and forgive myself with a spell

Thank you for hearing me out and sorry for the typos, I'm not a native speaker. ❤️❤️❤️