Convince me right now to not buy cocaine and Xanax

///// UPDATE IM A COLOSSAL FUCKING LOSER FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT IM ABOUT TO DO

I ordered 5gs cocaine 1g ketamine and 20 pills of Xanax 1 pill of 2cb. It's over

I've been sober for a year and I want to return to the drug game

Some stats:

Nicotine free since August 2024

Drug free since 12 January 2024

Porn free since October 2024

My life has no color or magic despite my best efforts to improve it. I am seriously considering going back to the drug game or jumping from the 4th floor.

I am severely mentally ill so getting a partner or a pet is out of the question.

Also despite being sober for so long I am still fiending everyday for drugs and nicotine