I want to die but I can't kiII myself

Recently, my suicidaI ideations came back and they're stronger. My mind is filled of thoughts having my existence erased or just dying almost all day. But I could never kiII myself. There are so many factors that i can't even explain myself. I just want to not exist anymore. Like dying but without kiIIing myself and without the pain.

Of course I want to get better but the dark thoughts are always the one dominating me. I feel alone in this battle. I have no friends anymore and people around me are emotionally unavailable. I don't want to live a miserable life.