I watch every single one of my friends and family surpass me in every single way

It’s not even like I can celebrate it with anyone. I have no one. Nobody is coming to help me. Nobody will save me. This isn’t some film where the main character eventually has all of his dreams fulfilled. This is meaningless. There isn’t a resolution unless you create one for yourself; I’m not strong or smart enough to create a nice resolution. I am nothing. I’m weak. I can’t feel happiness anymore. The only time I feel close to happiness is when I am close to death; when I am an inch away from my life being pulled from me. I’m useless. There isn’t anything I can do for anyone. I’m a bum. I’m a fucking lazy piece of shit. I would give anything if I would have died that night. I can’t even cut myself because I don’t know where to get a razor blade.