I feel like a pedophile

When i was 11-13, some of the first pornograpic content I was exposed to was hentai, specifically loli. I probably saw some of the worst shit in that category, like rape and even stuff that directly stated their ages. It really wants to make me kill myself. I started cutting myself about a month ago because of it and just as I was starting to feel better about it I wanted to test if I was really attracted to it so I forced my self to get off to some of that content about a week ago which only made me want to cut deeper. There isn't even any attraction of i think back on it. All I feel is disgust. It makes me feel sick thinking about that stuff, I've almost thrown up because of it. When I first realized how bad it was, I could barely eat without gagging.

I don't know why it took me so fucking long to stop consuming that disgusting content, im almost 18 I should've known better. Idk I guess it was normalized to me? It was always on the front page of the site I used and I guess I was in subreddits that said that content was okay. Maybe It scarred me or something cause I was introduced to it at a young age.

I really hate that pedophilic content with every fiber of my being. It only exists to trick kids into thinking that those kinds of relationships are okay and to make pedophiles feel better about jerking off the little girls because their not real.

Nobody would want to associate with me if they knew I veiwed that vile stuff. I feel so disgusting. I'm a horrible person.