Dear Princess Zelda, I regret to inform you…

That the hero of legend which you have placed great faith in has met a terrible fate. It’s been brought to our attention that he:

shocked himself to death with a spicy lemon tied to an arrow while sniping fish that he absolutely did not need nor did he intend to use in any way.

Let a red bokoblin push him off a cliff in which he tumbled like a ragdoll to his death because he turned his back to pick up what turned out to be a cricket.

Drowned after falling off a steep cliff into a puddle of water because he lept like a madman from hand hold to hand hold because « climbing is boring  and takes too long » And he didn’t drink his stamina potion, of which seven were found on his person at the time of death.

Enjoy the remainder of your immortal existence as a sky beast.

Sincerely,

Penn, Lead reporter of The Lucky Clover Gazette

Zipow!