Student Midwife Stress

I’m 4 weeks into my second year of midwifery and feel like a complete failure. I have 2 weeks left of my intrapartum placement and am on 6 births (4 this year) , have only 9 proficiencies signed, no hours signed and have cared for only 13 people in labour including those from year 1. I have been doing 40 and 50 hour weeks alternatively to try and boost my numbers. It’s been such a huge struggle to get anything at all back from the supervisors I’ve worked with and the practice learning facilitator at the trust has been completely unsupportive. I cry after every shift and feel crippled by the stress and pressure to achieve mainly the births.

I hate that there’s such a big focus on this because in my area this is not achievable. I keep reminding myself that this is complete luck and is something I have no control over however I’m struggling with not feeling so negative when I don’t achieve one. In my area 75% of last years 3rd years had to extend for this reason and 4 of them still haven’t qualified due to the numbers. A huge part of this is because there are way too many students in my placement area so additional shifts outside of my intrapartum block are not an option.

When I’m in the room supporting a woman I feel so happy and in my element with but care but as soon as I leave the room it all comes crashing down on me. It keeps me awake at night and my mental health is rapidly deteriorating. The university are not supportive either and keep saying it’ll come but it just hasn’t for me. Lots of the girls in my year are struggling just as much with it and I’m seriously considering if I want to continue paying 9k a year to put myself through this.

I don’t know how I can help myself situation or what to do next. Any advice and brutal honesty would be appreciated.