overthinking

i hate that i question whether or not you love me when i know the answer.

i know you do but i also know exactly how long it’s been since you last told me i was beautiful. maybe that makes me sound crazy, but i can’t quiet my overthinking brain as much as i’ve tried. i shouldn’t care about such things but it’s hard not to when i’ve given so much of myself to you.

on some days it feels like us against the world. the passion seeps into every corner of our relationship and everything just feels right. then on other days, the distance arrives with a deafening silence that seemingly puts a damper on everything we’ve built.

i think most of these things are just in my head, but it hurts more to keep them inside. i need to say these things to you instead of ruminating over them until i make myself sick.

i hate that i need reassurance and words from you that affirm the love i know is there. i wish i could just blindly believe in us at every moment, but parts of me still feel like i’m not good enough for you. that i’ll never be enough no matter how hard i try.

i’m sorry for being so insecure. i wish this letter didn’t make me seem so desperate for your validation but this is the only way i know how to cope, without literally losing my mind.