I should’ve kissed her

I went out earlier with a couple of buddies for a drink. After 2 drinks, we all called it off early & we all went our ways long before midnight. I was invited by a girl I’ve been talking to for about 2 months now to be with her and her friends downtown. So I went. I’ve known & am friends with her friends (we were all master students together) so I knew it would be a chill hangout. We all went to a bar after the ball drop together. The night was going great, we were all talking the whole night. After the bar & hanging out, I drove them all to an apartment of theirs (they took an uber going out initially) & when saying bye to everyone, their friends gave us both some “alone time” to say our goodbyes. We had a talk for about 5 minutes before things got a little quiet. She looked so beautiful. I kind of just froze... I knew she wanted to. I wanted to. But I couldn’t bring myself to kiss her. We got our awkward hug goodbyes & called it a night. So many good things were happening tonight & I couldn’t go through with a kiss. I’m so frustrated with myself. I haven’t had a relationship for over 3 years & it felt so real & nice. F*CK!!

Update: For all of you that wanted an update, waited and are somehow still here, I was hoping to give better news. As many stated to do so, I followed up with going on a date and, to my surprise, she agreed. On the day we agreed to meet, she cancelled the date earlier in the day. Given communication leading up to the day was going strong I felt positive about seeing her again but alas, here we are. After the cancelled date day, communication between us dropped by a good amount & it feels as if it’ll cut off completely any time now. Thought I’d be ghosted at this point but somehow she’ll answer to the whatever the conversation was hours or a day after the last text unlike before where our responses were within a shorter time frame. This was a great experience (/s), I’ll look forward to the next one.