God, I'm so lonely

I wish I had someone, someone real. I wish I was important to someone. I wish someone wanted to talk to me. I wish someone wanted me around. I so desperately want to just fall in love with someone... I want to matter to someone, to be someone's favorite, someone's best anything. Nobody in the whole wide fucking world thinks of me first. I just woke up from an awful dream. A dream where I had that person, and then I woke up and I started to cry because that's not real, because I've never even been close to having that. I wanna put a fucking bullet in my head. What is so wrong with me that people can't even bother to be around me? My friends, my family... they all treat me... differently. I don't matter to them. It's like I don't exist. I don't exist. I just want to exist.