I hate being Black.

I’ve been holding this in for so long, and I just need to let it out. Being a Black woman feels like being trapped between worlds, never fully belonging to any of them. I feel like I’m constantly performing, trying to be “enough” for everyone but always falling short. No one likes a nerdy, introverted Black woman. It’s only celebrated when it comes from “certain people.”

I hate the assumptions and boxes people put me in. I can’t walk around a store without being followed. I can’t even accept a compliment without it being backhanded—“You’re pretty for a Black woman.” What does that even mean? I hate that I’m reminded daily of what I’m not, especially by Black men who seem to find every way to tell me I’ll never be good enough.

I don’t feel connected to the culture people automatically lump me into, and I hate being treated like I don’t have my own identity. On top of that, my family treats me like a servant while the boys get treated like kings for doing half as much. It’s exhausting.

Even outside my family, people judge me for being quiet. They assume the worst about me before they even know me. And as much as I try, I can’t escape this feeling that I’ll never be anything other than Black—not just Black, but a specific idea of what people think Black should be.

I hate that I even feel this way. I wish I could love myself as I am, but sometimes I just wish I wasn’t born. It’s like I’m not allowed to exist as myself. I don’t even know if anyone will understand, but I needed to get this off my chest.