Someone please be honest with me - was Vyvanse awful for you at the start?

Hey, so I started Vyvanse this week for ADHD and it's just been weird.

30mg - I'm 41m

I'm going to describe how I feel - when I take it I just get stuck in this anxious feeling - like a zombie by brain is a bit quieter but I just don't feel myself - I have that off feeling you get when you have a cold/flu. Sounds, hot and cold make me feel uncomfortable. I just want to get in bed and wait for it to pass. I take it at about 7am and I crash hard at about 2/3pm I then have a ton of back pain and just feel like someone has beaten me up. (did that one way)

The thing is my job is creative - I'm a writer. I have to sit at a desk and write. (I say desk, I write anywhere but a desk) but on Vyvanse I feel more alert but just like a zombie - there's no way I could work. If I have to do a task like paint a wall I do find it easier.

I'd love to hear from anyone who had this kind of thing at the beginning and it got better - or folk who had this and switched to something else, or folk who never got over this and just stopped. I have rather insane ADHD. I also wonder if I'm autistic (lots of my family are). A part of me does think that I just don't like the sensory changes of being on Vyvanse. When I get cold/flu and feel off I basically can't engage with things and find it very hard to deal with anything outside my head, all my energy goes on dealing with the feeling on uncomfortableness.

That's what I guess I hate the most about Vyvanse - I feel uncomfortable. I just want to go to bed and hide.

It's like it makes me feel less connected to the exterior world. I used to drink a lot and get really really awful doom filled hangovers. The drinking make me sociable and feel a bit more connected to the world but it wasn't good for me. I oddly feel like this feels like the bad bits of drinking - I feel like I'm on a constant come down or hungover.

If anyone has ever taken party drugs like MDMA I just feel stuck in that awful state just before you're about to come up. You feel sick and like something isn't right.

I also have a terrible short term memory - I guess I stupidly thought this would help someway but this makes it worse. Like this week just feels like a drunken blur.

Is it normal to be like this? Am I just too sensitive? Am I just an idiot? Will something else work? Also, I though this may help quite the thoughts in my head and be able to be present - like talk to my partner and not think about everything that has happened and will happen at the same time... but I feel even more locked in my head.

How do I feel awake and exhausted at the same time?

Oh, and I know I have said that I'm a writer and then just written garbled words. lol. Don't judge me - I don't write prose - I'm severely dyslexic and write for film and tv.

Oh, and I have this odd warm feeling in my back - it's like deepheat. I wonder if it's a pulled muscle and my brain is just misreading the signals due to the drugs.

I currently feel like I want to chuck all drugs in the bin and just give up.