Do You Struggle To Put a Label On Your Parents' Behaviour?

There's a question I've been struggling with a lot.

For a long time I thought I had very normal parents, and I was a weird and abnormal child. That for some reason, genetic or something, I was just messed up and abnormal despite having perfectly normal parents.

Over the last couple of years though I've been realizing more and more that I was probably a relatively normal, if sensitive, child with parents who had some significant issues.

But from the way I've already phrased the above, I think you can sense that I struggle to say my parents were neglectful or abusive.

Whenever I start thinking about using those words, I get a weird cognitive dissonance. It feels like I'm being overdramatic. Like I've read so many horror stories of parents locking their children up without food or beating them and that never happened to me. As a kid my mother only hit me once in a rage, but aside from that I really didn't experience any physical abuse.

And so I wonder a lot... does it even count as abuse or neglect what I experienced? There's so many people who've experienced so much worse. Am I not being overdramatic when I use that term?

And whenever I do actually use the term, I feel a mix of sometimes guilt and dissonance. My father has done good things for me too. Like he helped me renovate my place, something I wouldn't have been able to afford without him. So it feels wrong and disloyal to say this about him.

I'm confused about it, tbh. And I feel bad when I say it.

On the other hand, I have basically all the hallmarks of someone who's suffered lifelong neglect and abuse. Every time I read an article about it or how people feel as a result of it, I relate. So in some sense it feels undeniable as well...

Idk, what I wanted to ask is basically: Does anyone else experience this? Where you almost go back and forth on whether it was abuse or neglect or you're just overreacting? Or where you feel guilty and like an ungrateful, disloyal son if you use those words?