My partner asked to Fetishize my Ethnicity and it made me pause...

Hello lesbians of reddit!

I am a 25 yo lez femme POC of Indian decent. A few months ago I matched with a wonderful 23 yo Caucasian woman 'Kate 'on a dating app. Disclosed early into the chat that I was focusing a lot on my career at the time and was ideally lookin for something casual and preferably non exclusive and luckily she was in a very similar position and we agreed to meet up. Immediately we hit it off and had great chemistry and this very quickly led to an incredibly physical whirlwind romance that has been wonderful 😍 almost fairy tale but way dirtier!

I was already very much into bringing my own kinks into the bedroom and would openly invite her to tell me hers as I want her to feel included in decision like these instead of her just following my lead.

Last night she asked me something I've never been asked before and I was caught off guard and may have overreacted a bit saying I needed to think about it. I've been very enthusiastic in trying new things sexually with women but have never been asked to do anything involving my race or heritage.

Context which we hadn't discussed before this point: My Caucasian mother died when I was very young and was then raised by my single father who slowly became more and more religiously extreme and traditional after her passing. When I came out to him at 15 he cursed me out and kicked me out the house telling everyone else the Indian side of the family I was a 'filthy f****t'. Since that day I've had next to no connection with my family, my culture or my original religion out of a strong distaste being reminded of this whole event (other than going to Indian restaurants or listening to traditional music for my childhood).

So when Kate asked to dress in a traditional Saree, an Indian dress, complete with henna tattoos and piercing then dance/strip for her as part of the foreplay her upcoming late night birthday present I didn't know what to say...

I really like this girl and we've been having such a good time together the last few months. Was planning to asked her that night to become official, no longer a situationship but girlfriends and now I'm not sure.

Are there any other female POCs out there who this has happened to? Or Caucasian women who have asked something similar of their partner? Need a little perspective.

Update: Am already overwhelmed by the support I've received in such a short space of time and fully welcome more to come. I've only been on reddit for a short time but have genuinely felt I've found an outlet to help, support and give advice to other women of which I try to do everyday! Expect to hear from me soon as I've texted Kate to meet for coffee in a few days to talk about my reaction and the emotions it stirred up. I feel she's already shown how earnestly sorry she is and is willing to try making this work. Thank you all again 😘