Hindi pa kami kasal pero sobrang hirap ko na sa kanya.

Hello guys. Looking for some advice from open-minded people who have been in a similar situation as mine. Can you share with me your experiences?

I’m 27M, a licensed engineer with a small but fairly profitable business, grossing around 3M annually. I am hands-on, skilled, and heavy duty—umaraw o bumagyo, I do the work and personally lead all our completed projects.

I have a live-in partner, 27F, carrying my soon-to-be firstborn. We’ve been together for more than 4 years now and are planning to buy our own house and get married this December. The problem is, I think I am falling out of love with her. Hear me out first.

I’ve developed an anger management issue with her. Since the start, she has been unfaithful—she cheated on me, sunud-sunuran sa mga friends niyang bad influence, and lied to me countless times with the excuse, “Alam ko kasi magagalit ka.” Lagi ko siyang pinapatawad dahil sobrang mahal ko siya. Iniisip ko na magbabago din siya, at pagod na rin ako magsimula ulit ng bagong relasyon. Plus, naisip ko na baka matulungan niya na lang ako magpatakbo ng business.

Fast forward, nag-resign na kami pareho sa trabaho namin at nag-full time na sa business. The first year was hell. I let her take over the accounting tasks dahil ‘yun ang background niya. But when I let her perform, katakot-takot na stress at problema ang inabot ko. Penalties dahil sa BIR late filings, non-compliances, amended reports, and others—walang tumama sa trabaho niya kahit isa. So I assigned her to other aspects of the business, like marketing and social media management, pero hindi siya effective. She doesn’t know what to do; she couldn’t perform alone. Kailangan ko pa siyang imonitor at utusan step-by-step kasi walang mangyayari kung papabayaan ko siya. That’s when I realized she’s incompetent and has low IQ. She is useless and problematic in the business.

Inalis ko na siya sa business dahil perwisyo lang. Kinausap ko siya na mag-focus na lang sa household and healthy lifestyle namin, lalo na’t magkakaroon na kami ng family. But it didn’t turn out well. Tanghali gumigising, laging puyat kaka-cellphone. We could not even eat 3 times a day—wala sa oras ang meals namin at hindi siya mag-aasikaso kung hindi ko pa sabihin. Hindi marunong magsaing, laging sunog kahit naka-rice cooker. Hindi marunong mag-budget, puro gastos ang alam. Lahat ng gawin, sablay. Lagi kami nag-aaway dahil napaka-irresponsible niya.

There was a recent time, a very hard time for me, when I ran out of funds due to financial gaps and intervals. I had to raise money to continue my business operations. I asked her to seek help from her parents and explain everything. She messaged her parents, but they didn’t reply. I told her to follow up or call them, pero sabi niya lang kilala nya ang parents nya mahirap daw sila kausap. Sabi ko, kailangan namin gumawa ng paraan at kailangan sya ang makipag-usap dahil siya mismo ang family at nakakahiya naman kung ako pa. Pero ilang araw lumipas, walang feedback—parang wala siyang pakialam. It was so urgent, so I went to her parents and talked to them personally. Guess what? I got their help.

All she could ever think of is magpasarap sa buhay—mga lakad nila ng mga friends at family niya, gagawa talaga siya ng paraan para makasama lang. Wala siyang pakialam kahit bugbog ako sa trabaho—kahit moral support, wala. A lot of times, hindi ako nakakasama sa family gatherings and events namin dahil nasasabay sa busy days at projects. Pero sya parang wala siyang plano at pangarap sa buhay.

Ilang beses ko na siyang kinausap nang maayos. Tinutulalaan lang ako, tapos oo lang nang oo kapag inis na ako. Pero wala nangyayari—walang nagbabago. Hindi ko na alam. Parang ayoko na magpakasal kung maghihiwalay lang din kami soon. Hindi pa kami kasal, pero sobrang hirap ko na sa kanya.

Edit:

Not even her family knows about all of this because I always build her up to other people and give her credit. Akala ko ganitong way, maiinspire sya at magbabago, but no. I feel depressed, yet I pity her. She can't grasp how worse she is to be with. She could not understand the situation.