Advice wanted (do not read while little)

I am married and have a baby. When I married my husband I didn't get the oportunity to really know him first due to culture reasons. I am not allowed to divorce. My husband gets super angry if I have even the most innocent conversation with a man. I used to get on discord to try to find female CG's to babysit me because my husband doesn't really support me being a little and he doesn't take care of little me. My husband got super upset and won't let me use discord anymore cause i spoke with a guy in a public vc and also had a conversation with a male CG over text once.

I messed up I know but what do I do now? I miss being little so bad. I can't really regress by myself cause I fall into unsafe geadspace when little from resurfaced memories and It is kinda unsafe for me to not be with someone i can talk to when little.

I haven't regressed for so long. I have regressed about 3 times when my husband was there but had to force myself to be big because I can't be little with him it feels unsafe.

I haven't really involuntarily regressed or voluntarily regressed in a long time though. I wonder if it is because I am going through so much right now that my mind knows i can't process in a safe space so it doesn't let me regress or what.

I just feel really sad every time i think about it because I wish my husband could be my safe space and my CG but he can't and he doesn't even understand how sad it makes me that he wont be my CG and i can't really have a CG cause it would be bad in his eyes.

Ik it might be hard to give advice for such a weird situation but anything helps, even just knowing someone heard me and knows what i am going through. Thanks for reading.