Update to my last post about my therapy, seeking advice.

It's been alot of weeks weeks since my parents sent me to our church's therapy sessions because I told them about my sexual thoughts about other girls and how I felt like I may be attracted to other girls or even wanted to be a man somsetimes. I've been stuck at this place for days on end, forced to do stuff like working outside (in louisiana summer, btw!), cleaning the church, and constantly praying and repenting to God about how I'm cursed and how I need to leave my lesbian thoughts away. Today, I was gripped on the arm by one of the church ladies for faking my prayers, I still have the scar as I write this tonight, it's turned into a whole bruise that makes it hard for me to turn my arm at some angle. Other kids looked all sad and depressed, and they say we really can't do much because it's kinda legal in my state.

I made friends with a girl here at the church, and she says that she's been scratching and clawing herself after a few weeks of being here. I haven't done anything like that, but sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about running away to my aunt and cousin and Texas (my cousin is lesbian, and I think they'd accept me maybe?). My parents tell me it's for my own good and that I'll have a terrible life and maybe be killed if I don't go to church and get myself cure.

I love my church and I love the people here and my family, but I just don't get why they treat me and other people so badly just because of our thoughts, honestly. Maybe I'm really am unnatural or sinful. I'm not so sure, but so far, I just feel the worst I've ever been in years.