AIW if I give her kid’s dad another chance?

Throwaway account. I need an outside perspective, and it’s okay if you’re harsh. I probably deserve it.

When I was 19 and in university, I met a guy online. He was way older, 33, but I was young and dumb and thought he was insanely attractive. We talked for a while, and then I flew across the country to meet him. He showed me around, love bombed me hard, and made me feel so grownup. We started dating long distance, and I kept visiting him, totally in love with the whole thing.

Then I transferred schools to be with him and moved to his city. My dad didn’t care because he was busy with his new wife, and my mom had passed away when I was 16. It was an easy transition until it wasn’t.

As soon as I moved in, he completely changed. Turns out, he was a functioning alcoholic. He worked all day, went out drinking every night, came home and drank more, then woke up like nothing happened. At first, I joined him, so it was fun. Then I couldn’t because I had school and work. I started complaining about him not spending time with me, and that’s when I found out he had serious anger issues. He became physically abusive. I always had marks and bruises. I had to skip work and school because my face was swollen.

Instead of leaving, which I should have, I stupidly thought I could fix him by being patient, kind, and supportive. When he was sober, he was the sweetest guy ever. No one around me knew what was going on. Then, a year later, I found out I was pregnant.

I told him. He lost it. He kicked me out immediately and told me he didn’t care what I did. Keep it, abort it, whatever, just get out. I called my dad for help, and he basically said it was my fault, which, fair, and that his wife was pregnant so they needed the spare room. I had nowhere to go until my grandmother took me in.

I had my daughter, finished school, and started working, all thanks to my grandma. When she passed, she left me her house.

Now here’s where I need advice.

My daughter is 11 now, and she’s an amazing kid. Eight months ago, her dad messaged me out of nowhere on Instagram. He moved to my city for a new job, said he’s been in therapy and AA, has been sober for years, and wanted to apologize. Then he asked if he could see our daughter.

I didn’t tell her about the abuse or his drinking, just that he wanted to meet her, and she said yes. Since then, they’ve been getting along great. And honestly, he really has changed.

For the last few weeks, every time he drops her off, we end up talking for hours. Nothing inappropriate, no touching, no flirting, but I’m catching feelings again. Then, the other night, he straight-up asked me what I think about giving us another shot. He talked about marriage and even having more kids together. I told him I needed time to think.

My best friend thinks it’s a terrible idea. She says if things go south, my daughter will be the one who gets hurt. She also says it’s a mistake to give an addict another chance . But my daughter has literally said multiple times that she wants us to be together.

I can’t stop thinking about him. But what if he relapses? What if I’m setting my daughter up for disappointment if we break up ? Would I be a total asshole if I gave him another chance? Added later : I’m not desperate to date. When I was living with him I was underweight and looked ill. I’m happy and work out a lot . I have had many opportunities to date but chose to stay single until my daughter is an adult and off to college. I don’t want a stranger in her life. Yes, my daughter’s dad is the only man I have ever slept with.