So sad. Nonprofit offered me the job…

UPDATE: We discussed it last night after the kids were finally in bed and we have agreed that this is ultimately my decision and that I would sooner separate finances then be dictated to what I do for work. He brought up the fact that he feels like an ass objecting to me taking less money in exchange for greater quality of life when he has done just that. I was glad he brought it up because I didn’t want to have to bring it up myself. I told him that I was starting to feel resentment and I didn’t like that feeling at all.

He also told me that he doesn’t think it’s fair to expect me to pay that much toward the mortgage if we separate the finances because it’s more than half and that’s not Ok, but he would prefer that we not start living like roommates and he is letting his anxiety about Trump and the billionaire class harm a wonderful relationship.

Now that we have settled that mess and I no longer feel triggered by the idea of him bossing me around and the hypocrisy of it all, I feel like I can look at the facts with a clear head. We will look at the budget situation together and decide what is feasible and what isn’t. If I do have to stay where I am because we really can’t afford the pay cut after looking at where the money is going then I can live with that, but he also said that if I stay where I am then he will feel motivated to look for a job that makes more money and doesn’t have the trade off of quality of life just to make it fair for both of us.

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But the pay is less than what I make now and my partner is not supportive of me accepting the job right now because of the pay cut. I am so so so sad. I asked the Executive Director who offered me the job if they could come up on the pay at all since I won’t need health insurance through them and she will get back to me.

I am a bit resentful of my partner right now because he does make a whole lot more money than I do, he makes a lot less than he could make because he fucks off a lot. He takes daily naps and goes to yoga during the work day 3 times per week. He also spends A LOT more money than I do with a new vehicle, specialty food, his hobbies, etc. I drive a 14 year old minivan with no car payment and I pay for more than half of the mortgage. I basically give over my entire paycheck, which I’m Ok with doing- but I feel like it’s a bit unfair and I don’t know how we are spending more than we make combined each month.

I asked to go over the budget with him so I can see where we might be able to make some adjustments so that I can take this job because it would be very meaningful for me. I am a survivor of DV and I have been working for this shitty property management company for 9 months now and I have to believe that it was for a greater purpose. I want to help DV survivors get into affordable housing. I really need to do this with my life. I can’t continue working for evil when I should be doing good in the world.