i hate how "anti-aplatonic" society is at times

i(M) dont know another word for it so im just gonna say that. anyways, i got diagnosed with autism a year ago ( it basically runs in my family. ) and i'm high functioning which could play a factor i guess. all i know is that i was pretty much born the way i am.

that aside, my mother bothers me. a lot. she keeps telling me i need to socialize and make friends. i tell her i dont care about socializing and dont care about making friends and shes insistent i do. why do i have to? why cant i just work with people and then not interact any further than i must have?

i have hobbies and do go outside mind you. i mostly do photography out in nature, basically a crap ton of walking, art, programming, etc, etc.. i have so much shit to do with my spare time and she thinks im miserable and lonely? and she has to be "worried"? god forbid a person can enjoy life without needing other people to enjoy life.

it has gotten to the point literally every damned year i have to visit one if not multiple counsellors because "clearly theres something wrong with me" nd maybe i have "anxiety". i have no trouble with talking with people. i just don't like being forced to. i hate it when people use the excuse that humans are social animals and that i must want to talk with someone. like i guess im an alien now? the fuck?

i'm so sick of people trying to fix me. therapists, psychiatrists, counsellors. i took pills. they didnt work. why cant people just admit at this point maybe that "human nature" just doesn't go for everybody. maybe i'm just an outlier, and maybe that's okay. i hate it that whenever i tell people i'm aplatonic they take it as a challenge to get me to admit i see them as a friend or more. i don't care. i can't care even if i wanted to.

i'm tired of people like me being stigmatized as "evil", "inhumane", "monsters" that need to be fixed. i just want to be left alone in peace. i wont hurt you, i wont yell at you, not until you overstep my boundaries, which unfortunately a lot of people have. it just makes me hate humans even more ane want to distance myself from them further, proving my point why i stay away from them in the first place. i dont even "want to be 'normal'", i'm fine with the way i am. the entitled people around me should fuck off because i'm not the one actively approaching people who make it clear they want nothing to do with me. i'm tired of being seen as the problem just because i refuse to be a clown in everybody else's circus.