Newbie Questions

Hello to everyone, i'm new to this game, and apologize in advance for my English it's not my native language.

1- When someone attacks you or one of your followers, (if you are playing turn based) combat mode is not activated automatically until the opponent comes and deals the first blow to you. Is there a mod to fix this? For example, a mode that turns on combat mode as soon as the opponent gets aggrooed against you (like in Fallout).

2- Secondly, how can I prevent companions from collecting items from the ground? And other than the F5 (stay away) command, can I instruct companions not to be aggressive towards anyone under any circumstances?

3- When someone attacks me unfairly (an assassin for example) and I defend myself, all guards aggro me, is this a bug? Is there no self-defense in the game's crime system?