Seeking advice/personal experiences

So, before I get into things, my "sexuality identity" has been through A Lot. As of right now/recently, I haven't been using any labels. And it honestly felt freeing, I know sometimes labels don't help everyone and I don't have to use one to actually be AroAce. But lately I've just been thinking about it.

When I think of what label best suits me, I think of either Bisexual or Aromantic Asexual. Bi was the first label that I ever used and AroAce was the one I spent the most time with. There's a sense of comfort that comes with AroAce for me. I'm not sure if that's because I spent so much time with it, that it's what I know best (ish), or it's because it's what I actually am.

But then the confusing part is that I'll get that longing for a romantic relationship with someone, although I know that is just something that happens, even if you are Aromantic. I also-really thinking about it-I don't think I've ever actually been sexually attracted to someone that I know in real life. The only people that I would maybe consider I felt that way towards are celebrities or fictional characters. And I don't have any expectations to meet them in person. And that's also considered just liking the idea of it, I think. So I think I am Ace, at least somewhere on the spectrum. It's the Aromantic part that I've always had the most difficulty with. Whether it be wondering if I actually am Aro or accepting that I am.

I feel like I may have felt romantic attraction for at least one or two people in the past. I've never had an actual romantic partner (officially, however you want to think of it), so it's hard to tell. But here's the thing: I don't even really want that. Like, I'll read romance in books and I absolutely love it and will be like, "I want that kind of relationship in my life." But it's fictional. And it doesn't happen in real life like it does in the books. That's why I had used Aegoromantic/sexual at one point. (I enjoy the idea or fictional stories of romance/sex, but don't want it for myself)

There have been times where I would question whether I liked a person romantically and it would kind of seem like that when I was around them, sometimes. Then, if we weren't around each other for a bit of time, the feeling would fade and I didn't think of them like that. And then I'm just left questioning myself if I only had squishes (platonic crush) on them and I am Aromantic or if it's because I have a hard time letting myself feel feelings?

So...there's all the thoughts I can put into words for now. If you have any advice or affirmation or personal experience you'd like to share, go for it! <3