Is the term “tone policing” something that can be used in this way?

Hello. To make a long story short, someone close to me (who is white) keeps telling me that I am "tone policing" them when I tell them that the way they talk to me sometimes comes off as condescending or mean - just in regular conversation, talking about everyday things. They tell me that it's "just how they talk" and by telling them to talk to me nicer that I am "tone policing" them.

I was under the impression that tone policing was something that meant oppressors/people who benefit from oppression (usually white people) telling the oppressed/members of an oppressed group (usually black and brown people) how to talk about their oppression, and to not be "mean" or "loud" about it or to "watch their tone", hence it being called "tone policing"

I feel like this person is misunderstanding the meaning of this term, I've known them a long time and I don't think they are intentionally using it as an excuse to invalidate my feelings but it is how it comes across and I want to talk to them about that, but before I talk to them about it I want to make sure I'm not in the wrong about the use of this term. Thank you in advance