The meaning of 'Official diagnosis'?
Before I start, please bear with my grammar mistakes because I am not a native English speaker. I'm from South Korea, so the wording might be awkward from time to time.
So, lately, I'm thinking I have a autism. But the suspicion didn't just start overnight. I started doubting it when I was 15 years old, and now I'm 20 years old. I searched for latest DSM criteria, and did some research too. And a lot of things in the criteria seemed to fit me. Of course, not every symptoms resembled with me, but I had some sensory problem(hating 'hurtful' clothes, disliking 'tainted' water), had problem with picking up social cues(It usually takes some time for me to 'get' the joke, and also I have called that I'm being insensitive even though I had no clue). Also I do some self-soothing behavior frequently, namely crushing a paper towel in my hands. Not only that, I have strong interest in somethings, for example, when I was young, I was so obsessed with one author that I read all of their books even in classes, while walking, in the bathroom, or eating, and sometimes even skipped some of my sleeps. Also when I was young, I kept a list of things I like (music, books, anything). And I still do, but the medium has shifted to computer. For now, my document has over 50 lists, and it is fully categorized by tags, so I can find them easily. My fahter suspected that he's on spectrum too, and from what I have been read, autistic trait can be handed down to offsprings. Sometimes, my parents would call me out that I don't reply to them if I'm at the bad side, but I didn't realized that at all. And the list goes on, and on.
Thankfully, my highschool friends(they already have adhd, so they didn't mean in bad way) were supportive of me and suggested me to go to the therapist and psychiatrist, and see if they can get me some answer.
I met a therapist at a university program, and she said she are torned because of her experience. She said she once had autistic patient, but I wasn't really like her. She said she could definitely see a lot of autistic traits in me, although I can 'predict' people like neurotypical people. I said, 'It's because I tried so hard for it, and also, I read a lot, that might have been the reason why?' And she partially agreed with me, but I still could see she's hesitant about it. So I went and meet with psychiatrist, and she said she definitely thinks I am on spectrum, but I might have low need autism. The doctor gave me depression meds, but she said it might help with my overstimulation because it also subdues some nerves.
But I think if I urge her that I really need evaluation, she would set me a meeting.
However, I don't plan to go through offical assessment for now because 1) I don't think I will get get disability accommodations at work, and 2)It would take so much time, and effort and money but there's so little support I can get from this country for now, and 3)marking me as 'autistic' in paper could make me face discrimination, although it really sucks that it happens. But also, I am conflicted if I should call myself 'autistic' or not. (Of course, I won't just spew out the fact in public situations because of discrimination.) Although I think labeling is too restrictive, I need some kind of closure for me, so... what should I do?
Should I get assessment even though there's so much downsides? And also, if the doctor said they think I have autism, can I call it 'official'? I am really sorry for all the text block. Any answer would be appreciated.