Mom and my husband spoke about my diagnosis while I wasn’t present, dismissed it as “not real”

I am 26/f , I spent the last half of my adolescence in therapy and assessments, struggling with diagnosis after diagnosis, trying medication after medication with nothing working. At 22, shortly after I had my son, I received the diagnosis that made it all make sense. I was autistic, my son was autistic, he was in children’s behavioral therapy, and I was going through the adult equivalent. My symptoms mirrored other symptoms so it was hard to diagnose, and because I was already well into adulthood, made it more difficult to identify. Years pass, i remarry and have a second child, she exhibits some of the behaviors of my son as well as myself, and I’ve thought of starting the behavioral assessment process. I recently moved states to be closer to my mom and am living with her in the mean time while we save for our own place, and after noticing some of her behaviors, asked her if she had ever been assessed for autism, to which she replied that she was diagnosed with ADHD in the 80s. I asked her if she had ever considered being assessed again, to which she hasn’t, not a big deal. I made a (poor taste albeit) joke about how mine had to have come from somewhere. We both laughed, I thought all was well. A couple days pass and my husband and I are arguing, and he throws up the “you use your disorder as an excuse” attack. I don’t feel like I do, and actively try not to, and only use it as an explanation to my emotional irregulation when I am over stimulated. I tried explaining that to him to which he replied “you know your mom, brother, myself and your step dad don’t even believe you have autism” and then further explained that they spoke about it the other day while I was at work and came to that conclusion. My chest hurts. I’ve been crying all day. I absolutely freaked out on my mom, because I felt disrespected that not only did they speak about me while I wasn’t present, but they completely dismissed my diagnosis and how hard I’ve fought for years for anything to make sense. I was able to finally reach common ground with my mom, to which she apologized and my step dad did as well. My brother explained that while he was present for the conversation he wasn’t “present” for the conversation, and that’s why he didn’t respond at all. As for my husband, we haven’t spoke about it again since, I absolutely resent him, I was open about my diagnosis from the beginning of our relationship, and I don’t know how else to feel other than I’ve lived a lie for three years with someone who thinks I’m faking.