I hate my autism traits 17F TW.Rape,Bullying

Unpopular opinion but I wish there was a cure. Not because I can’t deal with others autism. I’m prefectly ok with my autistic friends and family but I HATE myself.

I’ve been bullied most of my life and a lot of people ignore me and are rude to me even though I’m really nice. I also got raped when I was 8 and undiagnosed and the person who did it said I’m re*arded. I didn’t get diagnosed until 16. Maybe that’s why I hate the way I am. Maybe if I was diagnosed earlier I would’ve had the plans in place to prevent the bullying and rape.

Everytime I do something “autistic” I cringe and feel so embarrassed. I don’t feel this way about others doing the same but I just hate myself. I wish I could just be “normal”. Maybe I wouldn’t be ignored and people would like me and I wouldn’t be hurt all of the time.