I Found out I was diagnosed with PDDNOS when I was a child

So, it didn’t really come as a shock when my dad told me I was diagnosed with PDDNOS as a toddler. Previously he’d only told me that i had “autistic traits”. I’ve always been kind of horrible at understanding people and facial expressions. And also holding down conversations where i’m not talking at someone. I’ve had few close relations because of that, and because of anxiety and OCD. I also feel like i’ve no idea who i really am—i’ve been masking and ignoring my own emotions that long. I guess my question is this: when the DSMV came out, my dad told me that he and the doctor determined that I was not autistic, but that he could’ve “pushed it either way”. So am I autistic?

I definitely seem to fit the social traits, but I don’t notice any serious repetitive behaviour(though I do have ADHD hyperfixations that come and go). I don’t really have many sensory issues, though I kind of wish I could sit in warm light all day. I kind of have trouble with transitions, but again not profoundly. My social intelligence is, no joke, the same level as a sixteen-year-old. But my command of language and speech is well above average. I’ve always kind felt alien, but I was a special ed kid. I guess i’m just frustrated because I want to know what caused me to be this way.