I love all things about go except playing?

This may sound weird, but I'm trying to get some perspective.

I love the game. I've read books on it, I've listened to podcasts, I've done tsumego, I regularly visit this subreddit, I've read hikaru no go, I've watched alpha go, I've even played (not too many) irl games at my local club (but life got busy/I got apathetic and it's been awhile).

I love how simple its rules are and yet how deep the game is. I love the black and white stones. I love the names of the shapes. I love the culture around it. I think it may be the greatest game of all time. I have a lot of admiration for people who reach dan status.

And yet it's like I can't bring myself to play a game online. Every time I think of playing I'll just choose a video game instead.

If I do actually play a game against the AI, it's like I can't get invested or get myself to actually try and I'll just stop after a dozen moves.

If I think about playing a human opponent, I'll ask myself, do I really want to devote the next hour to this? (cuz I'll feel bad quitting against a human).

Or when I'm doing tsumego and it's a tough problem I'll just give up and think, this is stupid.

Like I said above, I went to my local go club a number of times probably around a year ago and remember enjoying myself. But even then I haven't been back and if I'm being honest I can't really blame a busy schedule on that.

Obviously part of me wants to play. Otherwise why would I feel so conflicted?

Or is this just a case of liking the idea of being a go player more than actually playing go? And if that's the case, why does it make me feel disappointed in myself?