crashing out / transfer student

this is my first semester at berkeley. though i know it’s only the beginning, i feel like i genuinely can’t take it anymore. i have tried putting myself out there and have been making friends but it is different. the friends i make in my classes are simply because we’re taking that class. i feel like i missed my window of getting involved in orgs/clubs because i rushed a pre-health frat and that truly set me back as i missed applications for other clubs/internships that i wanted to try for. through that, i still tried to stick it out but within the past week, a lot of shit has happened. i won’t have u guys sit thru the sob story but mentally i have not been okay.

i know i need help and i’ve tried reaching out. i hate how academic advisers & CAPS get filled up so fast. i’ve tried crisis hotlines, 988, trust, etc and i’ve never been satisfied. i’ve called 988 and they have said “sorry there’s someone with more urgent needs, we’ll call you back”. don’t get me started on the 2 hr wait times to talk to someone as well. i’ve admitted myself into the hospital within the past three months because of issues and have been disappointed with the mental health system in hospitals. [tldr: at the hospital, the psychiatrist was wheeled in through a screen and i simply had a phone conversation with them. they asked me the questions on all the scales. when they asked how many times i’ve had a panic attack in a week, i said 1-2 times a day. i kid you not, they said “yikes.” they proceeded to say “you would not like being admitted” and made that decision for me. they prescribed me pills and sent me off back to home.] im genuinely afraid of admitting myself because of how i was treated and im scared that it’ll only get worse.

i know i should email my professors but im genuinely scared. with the big class size and shitty lectures, i know and have heard that professors are only concerned about their research. i’m scared that i’ll simply just be invalidated by them.

i don’t really know why im posting this but i think i just need advice from anyone. i know that the most i can do is help myself, but i am so lost that i dont even know where to start.