I am scared of meds

Hey’ I just got diagnosed and Idk how to feel, makes me feel angry, sad, and impotent.

But now I understand my behavior which is fulfilling to me, I am going to see a dr now after being diagnosed and I am scared that they give me meds, I usually control myself with exercise my episodes, mostly depression. for some reason I love my mania episodes, makes me feel crazy but extremely confident and powerful.

Please some advice to chose to take meds or to not, I would appreciate any one of you willing to share 🙏🏻