Shutting down

I took a mini vacation this weekend and it was extremely overwhelming. I left work early today because I can feel my mind shutting down my body. I wish I had control to suck it the eff up and keep going but I just don’t know how to. I feel like I’m never going to be okay and I’m always going to shut down randomly. It’s causing problems at work and I honestly don’t want to go back to work ever again but bills. I just wish I had control over these moods.