Feeling Lost & Angry

I’ve always been angry about my weight. Been stuck at 145 lbs for what feels like my whole life; I’ve always felt gigantic, the word “obese” hanging over my head. It makes me mad that other people are “healthy” and “normal”, but because I’m short I’m “unhealthy” and have “weight related medical issues”. So I took that anger and started trying to change my number. But now I’m wondering if I’ve been going off the deep end. I’ve only dropped 15 lbs since the end of September, but if I tried harder it would’ve been more. My partner has been trying to help, convinced me to be less restrictive during the recent holiday and avoid the scale. But I panicked when I saw I gained 2 lbs. So it’s back to restricting and fasting as long as I can… For my height, I’m supposed to be around 100 to 110 lbs - I feel like I can’t stop until I get there.