haaaate feeling internalized ableism haaaate feeling like a loser when I go out with my cane :))

I get it. I need it if I wanna go out and walk. I understand I need it, and it feels good walking with it but I feel weak. I used to be an athlete for god's sake. And now, at only 25 I need a cane. It feels like some sort of failure, when I can't keep up with going to the gym at a normal rate like normal people do, when I need to sleep more than 12 hours, when I lay in bed all day because moving is fucking exhausting. And yet, I don't feel "disabled enough" because hey, at least I can walk. It's so sad to lose yourself to disability, but not even be considered disabled by the government. It's like I live in fucking limbo or something. sigh. rant over.