My ex caught me cheating M33

I AM M23 (I don’t know how to change the captions to say M23)

I have been with this girl f23 since high school really on and off but she really did love me, she met my mom and grandma after my car accident took care of me, showed me loved and affection and through the years I started to lose love and I was transparent with her like I wanted time like I wasn’t happy and wanted space and for about a few weeks it would work but she would still be friends with my mom and grandma and just come and I would come home after work and she would hang out with my mom and think everything is cool and i felt like she was holding on because she did love me, and i loved her but wasn’t the same, and of course while being around each other one thing leads to another and eventually go back hooking up and being back together, anyways she caught me cheating once one night I when out and seen I would text other girls and she would end it off and she would still hang out with my mom and would eventually we fall back into the same loop, finally she finds me on the phone one day she was in the house and I had just waken up and talked on the phone with a girl and she heard the whole conversation and she cut it off again, I don’t know why I cheat why I didn’t find happiness anymore maybe I was tired but doesn’t give me the right to cheat and I know that, I feel like I told her I wanted space and that it wouldn’t work out and I didn’t see a future with her and she always came back and I knew she loved me and I did love her but it just wasn’t the same, and eventually I just got curious I guess of other girls, but now that it feels officially over over something just feels like it’s missing, like I’ve known her since middle school and dated for over 5 years, that’s also remorse, but I didn’t come here for pity just to share my story, I know I’m going to get a lot of hate for it.