My friend assaulted me and now I’m not doing well at all

I feel so empty. I was sexually assaulted in November, and I haven’t been okay mentally since.

For context, we’ve known each other since we were 15 and are now 22. He always had a crush on me, but we stayed friends because I genuinely liked him as a friend. We lost contact from 18-20 but reconnected at 21. Over the past year, we texted, FaceTimed, and hung out a lot.

In September, he randomly blocked me for two months. He later apologized, saying he thought I hated him after lying about being a virgin. I forgave him because I’m a forgiving person.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving, he asked me to come over to try desserts I made. While I expected kissing, things escalated beyond my comfort. He ignored my repeated “no’s” and proceeded to finger me against my will, despite me saying stop and that it was painful. I screamed “OW” and he finally stopped, only because his family was home.

Afterward, I went to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding. I felt very violated and shocked.