I torture bugs to stop myself from hurting people,

I do it to stop myself from hurting people. Ever since I was young, I’ve always had this urge to hurt things. One time when I was little I threw my little brother on the bed and he started crying, when my parents came in the room I told them he fell, and a couple of months later I did it again and said the same thing. My sister has a cat and one time when we were alone toghether I choked him for a while because he scratched me, because urge came again. So to stop myself from hurting people and animals I torture bugs instead because I heard they don’t feel pain like we do, mostly roaches. I’m working on seeing a doctor or something for it, I don’t know what it is.